STUNNING...
INNOVATIVE...
DYNAMIC...
SYNERGYSTIC...
In this modern age, there are two kinds of people. Those who
do, and those who
are. At Better Future™,
we are what we do. We pride ourselves on the beautiful efficiency of our Tech²nology™. You might call it "tech technology" if you haven't been with us long! Ahaha. At Better Future™, we choose to go a different way. The way of the first first humans who bestrode another world. The way of the first Shinto priestess who saw a mermaid crying and thought to herself, "top-tier bath water!". The way of the assassins we hired to kill that upstart trying to poach our customers with his stupid open-source hover techs and-
Oh, wait, was I not supposed to say that? Um. Rats.
Anyway! Where was I? Oh, yes, different kinds of people! People who
are never feel the need to become
more. People who
do never look past
what they do. But at Better Future™, we take the road less travelled. Beyond what we are, beyond what we do, to
what we might become. We invite you, loyal Architects of the Future, to take this journey with us. A journey that started seven months ago, with the HoverBird™ Mk1, so small, fleeting, full of hope, yet so little compared to what would come. That journey has brought us here, today, to our latest, greatest hover tech...
The HoverBird™ Mk8!
Building on the legendary HoverBird™ Mk7, the HoverBird™ Mk8 features an engine twice as powerful as our original six-way adjustment thruster. Twice the energy, only twice as many cells, for less than three times the cost! I'm sure you'll agree that's the kind of power on which new ages are dawned. Furthermore, the HoverBird™ Mk8 features all-new and/or improved air brakes a whole cell longer than last generation's model! We know some of you like to park among the flowers for a little yoga, and now you can relax knowing that nothing short of a
moderate breeze will disturb you. The HoverBird™ Mk8 even comes with two of our longest Stream Extender™ blocks. Can you say... FIVE WIDE?! That's right, friends! Our new Stream Extender™ blocks are not only five entire cells long, they're TWO CELLS WIDE!
Thank you! Thank you. Now, the HoverBird™ Mk8 is going on sale next week at 70,000BB, or a special introductory price of just 19,999BB for certain lucky members of our hover training programme. Worth every buck, I'm sure! And for just 5000BB more, you can have yours in black. Or, for a very reasonable donation to our friends at Payload Studios, you could drive away an exclusive titanium-grey classic alien HoverBird™ Mk8! Other options will include an energy-efficient repair system for all you safety-conscious drivers, as well as, um... Who is this?
Young man? Why are you looking at me like that? Where did you get that black eye? Why are you wearing a dress and a blue anime wig? Why... What's with the laser gun? Why are you standing on a pile of unconscious assassins?! Oh, God! Quick! Put the HoverBird™ Mk8's specifications on the projector and maybe they'll dazzle him!
Length: A perfect eight cells.
Width: Ten cells, but who's counting?
Ow! OW! Pain! He's biting me! HE'S BITING-
Height: Three cells with landing gear retracted.
Weight: Never ask a lady her weight.
Cruising Speed: The correct kilometres per hour.
Strafe Speed: A perfect speed for the young Financial Times reader about town.
Aaargh! You animal! Take that! No, not the projector- NOT THE FACE-!
Movement: Four stylish small hover rings, two elegant retractable landing skids, two flawless small adjustment thrusters, one sweet medium adjustment thruster, two all-new and/or improved medium air brakes, one dreamy small air brake.
Special Features: One classic Better Future™ stabilising computer, two princely gyroscopes.
You tricksy rodite-nibbler, that stupid Hover Hawk wasn't even cheaper than our-!
Style: With delicious curves of pearly-white stretched over a daringly sleek hull, the HoverBird™ Mk8 is sure to dazzle the hover enthusiast set for decades to come!
Dietary Information: Guaranteed 100% gluten-free.
Safety Advisory: The HoverBird™ Mk8 is not suitable for hot or cold environments. Never let your HoverBird™ Mk8 get too wet or too dry. The HoverBird™ Mk8 is not rated for impacts, sandstorms, Eurasian lynx attacks, low gravity, earthquakes, steep hills or combat.
Aaargh... Can't feel my legs... Or my spleen... Damn you, Aardvark123! You may have won this round, but you'll never look good in that dress you stole! Never, you hear me?! NEVER! You'll want something wider with- *cough* w-with a bit more bodice, or some kind of blouse with... Puffy sleeves... Dirty thief...